And now I can exhale.

I have been waiting for weeks to photograph this staircase. It appeared one day, and rested on its side for months. It instantly caught my eye. It was almost too easy, I wondered if everyone around me saw what I did. It's majestic, and up close its grandeur is suffocating. It clogs the air with an aged, proud authority.

I would ride by it, drive by it. One day it appeared upright...I waited for weeks for the perfect moment, when the uninvited chaos of its home had left, when it wasn't raining, when the street was empty.

It is so obviously out of its element. It's funny how objects take on life. It's difficult to explain. But once again I have become attached to something I photographed. I want to go back and see it, climb to the top and chill. I dread the day when it leaves.

I wonder what it's story is.

I am in love with St. Ann's new wardrobe.

Beacon Hill.

Post-Grease.

Come on.

Come on, let's go.

But I'm comfortable.

Then don't cry later when you get bored.

ppfffff....I don't cry..

Then don't get all bitchy and feel sorry for yourself later when you get bored.

......

alright, lets go....

Time Capsule.

My friend Diego Bernal purchased my first big piece over the weekend at the Huevos Rancheros art preview show. It was 24 x 36 photograph of the very first image in my lowrider series. The photograph has a great background story and meant a lot to me. It makes me happy to know that something I love so much is in the hands of someone that will appreciate it. He made me promise to contribute more photographs to the Huevos Gala (OCTOBER 3rd), which I pinky swore on.

All of the money raised from the photograph I am donating to San Anto Cultural Arts. It's the absolute least I can do for the organization, considering everything its done for me. Man, I love that place. I might even be willing to hand over my first born to San Anto--cause I know it would be in good, loving hands ;)

This is the photo he purchased, it looked beautiful large scale. I'm still so attached to it:

Otro! Otro! Otro! Otro!

It looks like I will be participating in another show sooner than I thought. It's still in it's premature stages, but its something that is so exciting, and I honestly feel will be the start of something badass. It's going to be a collaborative effort, with all the elements of people, space, and time that make up creative cravings of mine. I am so anxious about what's to come. Thank you to badass artist Jimmy Canales for planting the seed, and for all the super cool people in this community who are already willing to support it. Let's do this!

:)

I <3 Christina.

One of my favorite people purchased and framed one of my favorite photos. I love it.....

DIY!

I made a DIY camera mount for my mountain bike. ALL BY MYSELF! I'm so proud. Ever since I "retired" from roller derby I have had to find things to satisfy my need for crazy physical exertion. THANK the gods for mountain biking. It's so brutal, and so much fun! I've only fallen once, and it was kinda yucky, but I got right back up and hit the hills again. I'm absolutely in love with it. My camera is the perfect companion to take on the trails with me. I can't wait to try it out!

It's a good thing I have an old Nikon Coolpix that has already taken a beating, it's perfect for the job.

Mari Hernandez, Chicana Photographer.

I know the history of the Chicano/a movement. I have watched films, read books, listened to lectures, analyzed and theorized. I know what happened when Chicanas created a space of their own, outside of being classified under the Chicano umbrella. I know how women were told the concentration should be on the plight of Chicanos, and how separating themselves from the men would be like separating the movement. Bullshit. As if the women didn't deserve a space on their own, a space to discuss female issues. Nah-they should just go back to stirring the beans for all of the meetings.

The Chicana/o movement, to me, is still a young one. Maybe this is why when I do a search for "ChicanA Photographers" google spits back at me "Did you mean: chicano photographers" NO, NO, NO. I'm sure google has no idea what a faux pas it has just created.

I define myself as a Chicana, I think I deserve the title. While I haven't given much thought as to how, or even if I label myself an artist, it requires some thought. It took me a very long time to consider myself a photographer, and it was only when people around me referred to me as such, that I became comfortable with it.

To some extent labels and titles tend to contain and pigeon hole. It is a mistake to think that referring to yourself as Chicana/o would fit into that observation. Because if its not the sort of title you would take pride in referring to yourself as, than you don't deserve it.

I would wear the title of "Chicana Photographer" like a bright screaming grito on my sleeve. I desire to observe the work of females like myself. I want to be around and embedded within a group of women with creative photographic minds. Maybe I haven't been looking hard enough.

Mari Hernandez, Chicana Photographer.

(me like)

TBC....

The parade.

Westside Pride.

Success!

I couldn't have asked for more out of my first photography show. It was perfect, exactly how I anticipated it. My photos looked great on the wall, and the space worked perfectly. Suzy Bravo and Eddie did an amazing acoustic set that made everyones jaws drop, and Jay provided the perfect and classic San Anto sound. The crowd was the type that everyone hopes for, chill, cool, and appreciative. I met so many new faces, saw so many good friends, and everyone seemed high on the perfect vibe. People came in and out, some stayed all night, and the cops only showed up once...haha. It was never a dull moment.

The 716 Euclid house is gonna be big, I feel it. Danny was the perfect host, his space is brewing, and people want to show there now. It encompasses everything that I imagine the perfect art space to be. Watch out San Anto....your gonna want to be there. It's the real San Anto the way it should be represented, DIY all the way.

Here are the photos I showed. They were all 18 x 12, and one was 24 x 36. Posting them online does them little justice. Seeing them up close makes your mind wonder.

Keeping the cultura alive.

We pass on significant cultural traditions to our children. Often we are misunderstood, we are judged by misconstrued assumptions based on our appearances. We are a class of people significantly misrepresented outside our community.

Judging us by the negativity that stigmatizes our people, means you know absolutely nothing about us.

We respect our past, even though some might not. We are proud, although some might try to beat us down.

Tonight is my show.

Tonight is my first photography show. I did it. With the help of some great people my photos are on the wall and the word is out. The theory of DIY is alive and contagious within my community. It's inspiring and effective. If we transfered the idea of DIY to every aspect of our lives, we would be such a proud (we already are, so prouder), accomplished people, leading every single aspect of our lives.

There is nothing to wait on, nowhere that you need to fit in, it may never be the right time, just to do it yourself, DIY.

I have such an amazing amount of support, that I'm a little taken back by it. I have such great friends, I reside within such an inspiring and creative community that my idea of success is defined by my ability to give back to it. To show how they inspire me.

I come from a proud culture, we owe it to ourselves to take what makes us, and show the world how beautiful it is, to squash misconceptions. We must build ourselves up with the knowledge that we are intelligent and capable, because sometimes we are told that we're not. But that's a lie.

I can't wait to see all my beautiful friends, to meet new ones, and to come together as a solid affirmed community in one space appreciating the creativity inspired by our culture.

I did it....

p.s. I painted that on the wall. 5 minutes in I was skeptical...2 hours later, I loved it.

Us.

I keep him so close to me, I feel a little strangely overprotective...but ever since Skinny passed...I have a hard time not knowing where he is. Sometimes I feel like if I get too close, when he does leave this world...I will be devastated beyond belief. It's a good thing he's my buddy, that he loves being by my side, and he follows me like a little skipping, prancing shadow. We went for a walk in the rain this morning.

It's raining!

It's funny how when it rains consecutively for days here, people just don't know what to do...it's like we are all in aww, we just stop and stare.....

Happy.

The reality of dreams sometimes hit at the most unexpected moments. I have been really stressed out lately, but handling it pretty well. I realize that if I want to reach some big goals, I have to push myself really hard, harder than ever before, harder than I know how at times. I get wrapped up in the chaos, the confusion, and the uneven path of highs and lows. I have always been one to stack my plate high and create an atmosphere of to do's, deadlines, and plans of here and now, and some for later. Thats normal for me, any other way just doesn't work.

You always expect the party to keep on going, to live in an eternal moment of bliss, and we strive for that. But thats not realistic. We expect to enjoy glory all the time.

all men aspire to be immortal

far their ambition they will do anything

but where are those famous persons in history now?

they lay in grassy graves..

Is happiness contingent? and if so-maybe I should slow done, and take the time to realize my happiness.

I found out last week the we're having another show. I say "we're" because the show is a result of my first pinhole workshop. The photos that will be on display are those taken by the participants from San Anto Cultural Arts'.

When I first designed the workshop I thought about how the perfect end would be a display of the kids photography. I wished for it, and entertained the thought for a long while. I have gotten so busy with other things that I had let go of pursuing the idea. Thanks to Christina (from San Anto) we now have a cool space, all the photos have been printed and mounted, I'm working on an artist statement....and right now I feel like crying out of joy...

It's crazy how things fall into place, how when you least expect it, or when your wrapped up in busy...true happiness pops in, softly taps you on the shoulder, and it's like "Hey, remember me, I know you have been too busy to really spend time with me, and I know sometimes you feel like I'm not here, or maybe that I have abandoned you. But rest assure my friend, I am here. I am always here, I just wait till your mind is free so I can spend time with you."

Thank you Christina, and Thank you Happiness.

This was taken by one of the kids from San Anto, at San Anto. This is me taking the time to be happy....

:)

Cross Processing.

I have discovered the addicting world of cross processing, or "photoshop fake cross processing." "This method is adapted from the color darkroom of old. In those days, innovative photographers often processed film in a chemical solution intended for another type of film. For instance, they might process color slide film in C-41 chemicals. The result yielded a most unusual shift in color, which created a very retro look."

Since I don't have the luxury of access to a darkroom, imitating the process in photoshop will have to do for now. The effect of this technique has been known since the early 60's-- so many of the photographs of that era have the same feel, triggered by the color and tones of the images. I love the effect. It's so warm.

During the 4 day weekend I went out of town and took some photos that made perfect subjects to practice the technique. Here are a few more I applied the adjustments to.

Rios, TX.

The Family Rancho.

My first show.

My first photography is in 4 days. I am so nervous, at any moment, if I relied heavily on the thoughts of my show to occupy my time, I'm likely to vomit, or freak myself out. The latter being more preferable. So, I'm confronting the anticipation how I normally do with stressful events. I think of it, as a not so big of a deal. In someways its a huge step for me, and in others its just another step towards a bigger goal. I'm excited about seeing my friends in one place. I'm excited about seeing my photos large scale on a wall. I'm excited about the how the Euclid house has the opportunity to become something great for the community....and for now, I'd like to concentrate on that excitement to get me to Saturday.

The series I am showing it one that I am so familiar with, that I thought about not showing it. But for all the right reasons, it's the concentration of my first show. It is one of the first set of images I started manipulating when I got my camera. The subjects are beautiful.

I remember once in class, a guy I was debating with about the term Chicano said that Lowriders

where a negative aspect, that they represented bad things. I made it very clear to him that he couldn't be more wrong, and that I thought opposite of his standpoint. There is nothing more beautiful to me than taking a piece of your culture and representing it in a creative, beautiful way.

In the end, I'm really just the middle woman. The subjects of my photos are really what this show is about.

I decided to stick with Chutter as a show title because the meaning behind the word has roots in culture, it has roots in me.

The babies after being bottle feed.